Some Questions for a moment of introspection

IMG_0038

 

Sunday February 9, 2020

It’s a snowy day in my wee corner of a Paradise in the mountains and I’ve been listening to music all day so far.  I remembered a question exercise I did a hundred years ago when I worked at a financial institution in Toronto.  The goal was to answer several questions writing as quickly as possible what immediately came to mind.  The answers to those questions at that time and later events led to some significant changes in the course of my life. Today I thought about those questions and tried to answer them honestly based on where I am today, who I am today. I’ll share the questions and maybe a little bit of my answers but not too much.  The point here is to always question yourself, your happiness, your needs and wants, your desires.  Your life as it is.  Here we go:

1)  What are the things you’ve wanted to do that you’ve never done?

At that time I was in my early 20’s, so young and new and inexperienced that I didn’t know what I wanted or wanted to do.  Now I feel I’ve done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to do when I wanted to do it, I still do. Some things I’d like to have done differently.  But at this point in my life I try not to look backward but rather dream forward.

2)  What are the places you’ve wanted to go that you’ve never gone?

At that time I was filled with wanderlust and traveled whenever the opportunity presented itself.  Now I make those opportunities.  No waiting if I can help it.

This  is MY category.  I have traveled a lot of this world.  And I want to travel more.  There are still a few places I’ve wanted to go that I’ve never gone.  You might be surprised.  These are not “big deal trips” like machu picchu or a safari in Africa. They are places like:

  • Galveston,  Texas – maybe this is just a romantic longing to live the feeling in Glen Campbell’s iconic song from the Vietnam war days.  To feel a bit of the feeling that went into that song.  I think I will get there someday still.  It’s not a difficult trip. Perhaps me and the “Babe Club” will take this on as a driving trip one year.
  • Eastern Europe’s Dalmatian Coast – another romantic longing of mine for beautiful beaches, grilled seafood and handsome men (just looking).
  • Rome – I’ve been to Rome but I haven’t really seen Rome.  I spent a weekend with a girlfriend when I lived in London (my Planes, Trains & Automobiles weekend). I’ll write about this sometime. We drank red wine in the cafes, outside at night, ate fresh spaghetti, smoked cigarettes, sat on the Spanish Steps and shopped.  I’d like to go back and really see it.  In fact I’d like to do that generally with Italy, back to Florence where I spent Easter weekend one year and to Milan in the north where I spent just an afternoon with a lover from long ago, eating pizza after driving all morning  from Zurich through the Alps.
  • See the Southern Cross In New Zealand.  While I am down that way drop by Australia, and see Fiji again.  One of the best experiences of my life was flying from Nadi On Fiji’s main island to Turtle Island over the South Pacific in a de Havilland  Twin Otter to get married in 2004.

And of course there are the many places I’d like to go back to:

  • Scotland always, my home away from home, my family.  My An-tee-ree-tah, who mocked my Canadian  accent.  I have and will always love her.  I think about her a lot, at odd times.  I recently purchased a bottle of Dior’s Poison and remembered she bought me my first bottle of this fragrance on a trip to Toronto years ago when I was but a young girl in my teens.
  • Miami and the Florida Keys.  Well funny I should mention, (As an an aside, I am going soon and will take a short cruise to the Bahamas while I am in the neighbourhood.)  I will blog about my experiences when I’m back.)  I fell in love with Stone Crab many years ago.  My husband and  I went on our first trip together down highway #1  in a convertible to Key West.  Top down, my feet on the dashboard,  listening to Dave Matthews Band, mostly, plus other music of the time.  We loved listening to Crash.  We danced to it at our wedding party.   (Blush)

Crash into me

The picture above was taken on a trip to Las Vegas with some friends on the occasion of my 50th birthday. Travel with friends or alone, is one of life’s great joys.  When I answered this question all those years ago, I had a long list of places I wanted to go that I’d never gone and no prospects of ever going,  and that made me very sad.

3)  What are the things you’ve wanted to say that you’ve never said?

This is a troublesome topic for me.  Probably like you and most people our best conversations are had in our minds upon time, distance and reflection rather than in the heat of the  moment.

Back in the mid ‘90’s when that question was first posed to me I scrawled  “ I don’t love you” in my notebook, I shocked myself, but I also felt betrayed and had for a long time.  After this,  I walked away from my first ever serious relationship.  17 years with a really nice man named Michael.   It was good until it really wasn’t anymore, all the time, not good.  This decision was really hard, one of those forks in the road. I’ve never regretted the choice I made after thinking through these questions.  That question and answer provided a moment of absolute clarity and certainty, and my resulting actions changed the course of my life.  I’d like to see him again one day just to talk about our paths and where we both landed after that tumultuous time in our lives.  His parents were the people I wanted as my parents. In fact I thought of them that way.  I still love them and think about them a lot.

Think about your answers to these questions.  Try not to dwell.

 

I am strong and beautiful

I am dreamer,  I am awesome

And so are you!

Leave a Reply