Only when I don’t really mean it – which turns out is a lot of the time. So I’m trying to reserve saying sorry for times when a sincere apology is called for – which turns out is not all that often, is it? Did I accidentally kick your dog, well Sorry Charlie-boy, sincere apologies I love you. Did I accidentally bump into you while shopping at the local grocery – No need to glare at me like that- I didn’t mean to bump you. Not really sorry at all, perhaps you bumped into me That’s ok. Did I keep you waiting a couple of minutes longer than you expected – Sorry didn’t mean to waste your time – yet not sorry did you honestly think I did this on purpose. (pause…….. I feel like a bad Hugh Grant movie…… moving on now)
I was beginning to think I’m apologizing every day for just being and living and sometimes, make that for often, failing to live up to other’s expectations of me. And this is really hard because I’m used to mostly exceeding expectations or at least meeting them – why should stroke rehab be any different?
What set off this morning’s rant you might be asking? Well nothing it turns out. I was thinking about how the view of my life is different from a seated position and everything is just a little harder than it used to be and I’ve found myself apologizing a bit too much lately in an insincere kind of way.
You don’t have to apologize, people say – and I know it – but I’m Canadian and it’s become a bit of a habit for me. Or maybe it’s a just a good fallback position to take when I know your expectations are not being met so a quick sorry might ease the pressure on me a bit.